The AFI came out with their list of 100 greatest movie heroes and villains list today. Does anyone know if the AFI actually does anything besides coming up with obnoxious and irrelevant lists? Are they publically funded? Could we look into this? Apparently the greatest movie hero of all time is Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird. First of all, Atticus isn't a movie hero. He's a literary hero. Has anyone born after 1975 actually *seen* To Kill a Mockingbird apart from watching it in your eighth grade English class after reading the book? How about Robert Duvall as Boo Radley? There's a hero for you.
I hate these lists more than I can tell you. I remember a few years ago when they came out with their so-called 100 Best Comedies list. The top two (Some Like it Hot and Tootsie) derived their humor entirely from putting a man in a dress. Mrs. Doubtfire also made the list. Notably absent were truly innovative comedies like Better Off Dead and Rushmore, along with solid gold slapstick like Billy Madison for that matter. So what does this tell use about the AFI? "Bathroom jokes and teen angst, ah, that's too obvious. But a guy in drag? Now that's comedy. Here, watch this scene. Jack Lemmon has trouble walking in heels. Look at him stumble! Now he knows what it feels like, eh, ladies?"
I hate living in the age of Top 100s. My idea of Hell is an endless marathon of VH1 Top 100 shows, hosted by last month's celebrities with an afternoon to kill before their weekly Saturday night cocaine bender. I don't know how many 100s of Sexiest Fill-in-the-blanks I've sat through, each one filled with that closet case from Rolling Stone telling us that "confidence, yeah, that's what's really sexy." And the 50th sexiest Female Singer with Both Paternal Grandparents Still Living is... Jill Sobule! And here's that closet case from Rolling Stone to tell us why. "Oh, she's just so confident. People will tell you that you have to be on the cover of Glamour to be sexy, but confidence is what really makes you sexy. Remember when she sang about kissing a girl? Talk about balls. And then she had the confidence to not actually kiss any girls in the video. Really kept us guessing, didn't she? Con-fi-dence."
"Coming up after the break," says Denise Richards reading woodenly from a cue card, "we'll hit 49th on our profoundly important list, and Brad Light from Spin Magazine will tell us how she exudes confidence. Don't go away!"