Conversations with My Wife

Meli: I love anemones. The plant and the animal.
Matt: I thought they were the same thing.
Meli: How can something be both a plant and an animal?
Matt: I don't know, they've got all kinds of freaky shit at the bottom of the ocean.

Matt walks in giggling.
Meli: What's so funny?
Matt: Nothing, I was just thinking about farts.

Matt and Meli have just finished watching the extended DVD of The Return of the King.
Matt: I still don't get the whole Grey Havens thing.
Meli: Can't we just enjoy the ending of the movie?
...
Matt: So is it just like White flight?
Meli: Matt!

Matt: If I were on The Apprentice, and I was going to the boardroom, I'd take a crap, and hide it somewhere in the suite. And if I didn't get fired, I'd come back and clean it up before anyone noticed. But if I did get fired, then there'd be a crap hidden in the suite, and it would stink up the place and someone else would have to clean it up. I'd do the same thing if I were on Survivor.
Meli: Apparently the people on Survivor don't go to the bathroom a lot, since they aren't eating that much. And when they do it's mostly pee.
Matt: Ah. So I'd have to bring the crap.