Every now and then a news story comes along that, with three short opening paragraphs, makes you forget that you spent half the day being tested on stuff you haven't studied in over two years.
The "suspicious package" that caused Interstate 75 and Daniels Parkway to be shut for more than an hour Monday was not an explosive pipe bomb — but rather wrapped-up plastic foot-long penis.
I'm intrigued. Tell me more.
"Someone took construction-grade plastic, molded it into a penis and wrapped it with duct tape," said Lee County Sheriff’s Chief Deputy Charles Ferrante.
Wait for it...
"They wrote 'Happy Father's Day' on the duct tape."
And to think I was going to get my dad a hat.
I can't decide whether my favorite part is paragraph #3, or the fact that the masthead on the website features a prominent, genitalia-like rendition of America's Wang itself.