It's clerkship season for all incoming 3Ls across the country, that glorious time when law students vie for cherished, low-paying positions that they can tell stories about when they become actual lawyers. After narrowing my judge search to a very selective list of 209 black robes in thirteen metropolitan areas, I began e-mailing around to my Boalt professors in search of recommendation letters. Like everything else, the letter requirement is at least two, preferably three, four if you can swing it. They also say that you should only get letters from senior faculty from whom you've taken doctrinal courses. The professors should also have some knowledge of your research and writing abilities. So, applying all these filters to my eight Boalt professors I sent out four e-mails. One yielded a very enthusiastic yes, coupled with an offer to meet with me to discuss the process. One has so far produced no response at all, and the other two said Yes but No.
Law professors can't actually say No when asked for recommendation letters. It's part of their job to write the damn letters. Instead, what they say is, "Sure I'll write you one, but you should reconsider asking me and here's why." It's like asking out a hot girl and having her tell you that YOU don't want to go out with HER because she has emotional problems.
So. The lukewarmth of my esteemed instructors has forced me to reconsider the clerkship process. In fact, it has forced me to shitcan the clerkship process, since I can't even get two measly letters together. Given this turn of events, along with my unique experience of having been rejected by two (2) law reviews, I must finally come to grips with the fact that the snooty, intellectual side of the Law will be forever out of my reach. Instead, I'll forego the low-paying/high-prestige post-law school year in a judge's armpit and begin my career right away as a gravel-throated, fedora-wearing trial lawyer. I'll share vulgar jokes with my driver and demand that my secretary wear more makeup. I'll keep a bottle of hooch in my desk drawer and take a few swigs during client meetings. And most importantly, I'll treat the fresh young associates coming off their clerkships with unmovable mountains of disdain as I break them down and mold them into real men. And women!
The author wishes to thank Kristen for the terms "gravel-throated" and "fedora-wearing."
Posted by holohan at July 6, 2004 10:48 PM
you know what, i see now that i was actually confusing "lawyer" with "private eye." nevertheless, you are welcome.
Posted by: didofoot on July 7, 2004 08:35 AMAt least they let you know that the recommendation would be bad, rather than laughing as they send it off and screw you.
Posted by: B on July 7, 2004 01:40 PMHere's a list of recommendations that was drawn up by a college prof who needed to say something positive sounding about bad students.
``I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.''
"I am glad to say that Matt is a former student of mine."
``I can assure you that no person would be better for the job than Matt.''
``I would urge you to waste no time in making Matt an offer of clerkship.''