February 19, 2008

Suck It, America

I am now a citizen of the Republic of Ireland. Well, to be precise, I became an Irish citizen on February 11, 2008 (or "11 February 2008," as they say in Ireland), according to the handwritten certificate I received today that's apparently an official and very, very important document. I was able to obtain this citizenship by virtue of the fact that my grandmother was born in Ireland, and as a reward for my dogged persistence in the herculean task of gathering all the necessary paperwork and documentation.

I'm also still a U.S. citizen. My citizenship, much like a photon, has an undeniable degree of duality. I shall behave as an American when it suits me, and as a filthy Irishman when circumstances warrant. I believe my newfound citizenship entitles me to double my current beer intake and cheat on my wife. I will also require a daily serving of sweet brown bread lest I fall victim to a debilitating wheat deficiency.

The next step will be to apply for an Irish passport, which will take another needlessly long amount of time (the citizenship application took about thirteen months to process). Once I have my passport I can go anywhere in the European Union. At that point, I will move to Eastern Europe, grow a mustache, change my name to Yngve, and disappear forever.

Erin Go Bragh!

Posted by hb at February 19, 2008 07:22 PM

Comments

The fellowship of secret Europeans welcomes you. please feel free to attend our weekly meeting at an undisclosed location.

Posted by: Tommaso Sciortino on February 19, 2008 08:03 PM

I'm curious; does being a dual-citizen have tax implications? I know there are special rules for taxing the domestically-derived income of foreign citizens, but I'm not sure whether they apply to dual-citizens. And I know nothing about Ireland's tax system.

Posted by: Zach S. on February 19, 2008 08:21 PM

Congratulations on your new citizenship. Please use your new status to bring me a leprechaun ok thanks.

Posted by: sean on February 19, 2008 10:41 PM

Wowww. This is inspiring. My great-grandmother was from Germany. Probably. Do you think they'll let me in?

Posted by: didofoot on February 20, 2008 08:32 AM

I think I technically am a leprechaun now. Begorra.

And dido, I'm surprised they let you in HERE with that tainted pedigree.

Let's see how many more nationalities I can alienate in this post.

Posted by: matt on February 20, 2008 09:21 AM

Ooh! Let's all get additional citizenships and then act out significant conflicts in history by proxy! For instance, if I qualify anywhere it would be the UK (courtesy of my Scottish grandma). So I get to oppress Matt and talk shit about his religion, and then after a while he'll turn around and start killing me until I agree to leave him alone.

Wait, that doesn't sound like that much fun. Maybe we can just use Wiffle bats.

Posted by: Dianna on February 20, 2008 09:32 AM

uh...I abstain from re-enacting anything Germany has ever done. except maybe oktoberfest.

fortunately, I'm also irish, french and canadian. and by being just like an american except that I never get to go to disneyland, I am already acting the part of a canadian.

Posted by: didofoot on February 20, 2008 09:57 AM

I think the income taxes only apply if you live or work in a country.

Posted by: Tommaso Sciortino on February 20, 2008 02:45 PM

Luckily, as an Irish citizen, you'll no longer be expected to work. All you have to do is drink and occasionally sing a song or die in an ill-advised revolt against England.

Posted by: sean on February 21, 2008 01:02 AM

What if I knew your wife? What if I told your wife about Irish habits?

Posted by: Mike? on February 22, 2008 04:36 PM

Is your wife my sister?

Posted by: Mike? on February 22, 2008 09:37 PM

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