...who enjoys a good round of peanut allergy humor. Clearly, there's a staffer on The Onion who's allergic to peanuts and managed to slip this in past the eye-rolling objections of his colleagues:
Apparently Werewolf Was Allergic To Peanuts
NEW ORLEANS�The werewolf who died while attacking a young woman Sunday must have been allergic to peanuts, experts said Tuesday. "The wolfman crashed through the intended victim's front window, but before the accursed beast could tear her apart in a savage fury, he stepped in a bowl of honey-roasted peanuts," said Dr. Alex Price, professor of lycanthropic studies at Tulane University. "Within seconds, the hellbeast's face began to swell, and he collapsed into an anaphylactic attack, unable to breathe." Price said that, had the werewolf not been more animal than man at the time of the attack, he likely would have used the epinephrine injection pen paramedics found in the breast pocket of his shirt.
Oddly enough, Meli had to remind me this morning to take my own shots with me, in case any peanuts attacked me at the Men's Wearhouse.