Campbell's Soup is a Fool and a Liar

There's an empty can of Campbell's Soup in the kitchen of my family's house in Redlands that suggests you try a nice bowl of Campbell's Soup with a "triple-decker" peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The suggestion is accompanied by a photograph of a sandwich that goes like this: bread - jelly -bread - peanut butter - bread.

Okay. You know what, Campbell's Soup? That's not a triple decker fucking sandwich. A piece of bread is only a deck if it has another piece of bread somewhere above it. What you're suggesting is, in fact, a double-decker sandwich. A house isn't a two-story house because it has a floor and a roof. It's a single story house. A house with a floor, another floor, and a roof is a two-story house. It is not, as you would have us believe, a three-story house.

By that same token, U2's upcoming concert in Ireland is not, in fact, the biggest homecoming in history, regardless of what they're saying on the radio. I mean, come on. We're talking about history here. Do these people realize how long history is? There have been no less than four or five historical homecomings that were at least as significant as U2 singling "Beautiful Day" in Dublin. Homecomings that involved civilizations and wars and riches and thwartings.

And that guy they just made the TV movie about probably wasn't actually the worst traitor in U.S. history. U.S. History isn't as long as the rest of history, but it's still long enough to have a number of traitors, and at least some of them were worse than this guy. A few of our Presidents would probably even outrank him on VH1's Top 100 U.S. Traitors Countdown.

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This page contains a single entry by hb published on November 29, 2002 4:24 PM.

The Opposite of Convenience was the previous entry in this blog.

Worst Lawyer in the History of the Future is the next entry in this blog.

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