Dear Fossil Webguy,
Thank you very much for repeatedly ignoring my pleas to stop sending me e-mail about special offers. I'm using a fake e-mail address to send you this message in order to avoid any increase in Fossil Webguy missives.
Your stubborn refusal to acknowledge the wishes of your customers is truly inspiring. Fossil Webguy, you must be one sexy man. I've never seen what you look like, but you're clearly a rebel to the core. You've somehow usurped the position of Internet liaison to an uptight corporate establishment-style timepiece manufacturer, and are using your title to undermine the consumer relations of one of America's most powerful companies. Your insistence on polluting inboxes with explicitly unwanted e-mails will no doubt drive customers running away from Fossil and toward smaller mom-and-pop watch manufacturers. And for that you should be commended. Way to stick it to those corporate fat-cats.
Fossil Webguy, you've shown me the error of my ways. I was foolish enough to succumb to Fossil's stylish advertising and buy myself a Fossil watch (from a Fossil STORE, no less!). But never again. Your symbolic act of mercilessly hurling the virulent garbage of the Fossil corporation at me via the Internet has cured me of any affinity toward Fossil once and for all.
Keep up the good fight, Fossil Webguy. You've turned this once ad-loving American around, but there remains much to be done.
Warmest regards,
Robert H. Bork
