No Baby Baby


Meli and I went to the doctor's office today to put an end to a brief pregnancy scare. She'll no doubt be reporting on it more thoroughly over at her blog, so for now I'll just say that her uterus is bare, and relate a story about what happened in the waiting room.

An attractive sixteen-ish girl was seated two seats down from Meli, and she interrupted us at one point to look at Meli's rings. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, Meli has a platinum engagement ring with four quarter-karat diamonds, and a larger center diamond that I could never afford. The center stone was a family diamond that came to us inter vivos. She has a matching wedding band with five quarter-karat stones. The ring is not paid for, and a significant portion of my salary this summer will go to fixing that problem.

Anyway, the girl took Meli's hand and admired the rings. First she said they were really really pretty, and asked if they were diamonds. When Meli told them they were, she looked at me for the first time with a look in her eyes the likes of which I've never seen on a woman's face pointed in my direction.

In response I grinned and said, "Date the nerds, sweetheart." Actually, I made that last part up. But that's what I should have said.


When I was 16-ish I fantasized about someday having a wedding ring made of stainless steel, with a tiny hex nut on it. As a matter of fact, I still fantasize about that.

Date the nerds. They'll either have the dollars and dedication to give you large glittery diamonds, or they'll have some leftover computer hardware that you can wear. Either way, you win.

HA! fucking brilliant.

glad to hear you guys are living sprog-free.

i've been informed that the smaller stones are 1/5 karat, not quarters. can you tell who picked it out?

I'll have you know that I was asked today to help a friend shop around for engagement rings, based solely on her observation that I have nice taste. And I never lied to you: I said from the start "small wedding, big ring." Don't blame me for being honest!

I am quite opposed to diamonds myself for a myriad of reasons (exploitation, artificial scarcity, monopoly, wedding "traditions" created solely by advertising, etc.), but I have learned that explaining why and how much one hates diamonds to one's girlfriend, long before such a thing would become an issue, is not a smart relationship gambit.

First, congratulations on your continued freedom. Secondly, I haven't even seen your rings, but just reading about them makes me jealous. I have a very strong love-hate relationship with other women's jewelry since I can't wear earings and have been wearing the same sterling rings I bought at Pacific Sunwear when I still worked there (although I do have one Aaron got me to replace a couple that were destroyed by an over-chrlorinated hot tub at the Rio in Vegas). Not only that, but I really wish I had one b/c it seems so fabulous and I have this not-so-secret, ulta-shallow desire for other women to envy me, but I'm ashamed of that and for desiring jewels at all. So, my solution will be to buy myself one some day or inherit one. No inter vivos will be going on in my family.

You totally should've told that little girl to date nerds. I tell my little sister that all the time; jocks and popular guys think they're so great when we all know they're just losers with cute haircuts and hot bodies who often love themselves and thier fleeting local-celebrity more than they you. I myself love nerds, not that Aaron's a nerd...

What I love about nice jewelry - just one or two things, not dripping - is that it can make you feel special no matter where you are or what you're doing. Reaching for the frozen pizza in Trader Joe's? Well, at least you're reaching with a nice ring on!

Damn, you totally implied I was a nerd there...the one thing about diamonds that bothers me is that I know that within my lifetime they'll be manufactured for next to nothing. Won't I feel like a big jerk then?

isn't there a replacement for diamonds now, some manufactured stone that is exactly like a diamond except *more* perfect? what is this called? and where can i get some?

you can get synthetic pee-colored diamonds for 30% less than what natural pee-colored diamonds cost, but i don't think anyone is selling man-made clear diamonds yet. of course, synthetic industrial diamonds have been around for thousands of years. see

i think the real issue is that the core of jupiter is a diamond the size of the earth. so if we ever figure out how to get down there, well, that'll pretty much be the end of it.

oh, no, I remember what I was thinking of: rhinestones. And that's what I want on my theoretical far-off wedding ring. Or maybe just a ball of tinfoil. Really, anything sparkly will do me fine.

GE makes artificial diamonds for industrial use. (All the ornamental ones are controlled by DeBeers - a group of crazy people you do not want to mess with.)

De Beers is also responsible for the idea that diamonds are the only acceptable stone for engagement rings, a tradition that came from an extensive De Beers advertising campaign, dating back all the way to 1939.

wasn't there an SNL sketch about de beers with norm from cheers?

I distinctly recall expressing my displeasure with that concept a few months ago during the Christmas and Valentine's Day diamond advertising blitzes. What was that one slogan... "it's not a kiss without Kay", or something like that? Bunch of fucks. If it were possible for me to love Jacob more than I do, which I'm not convinced that it is, I wouldn't do so as a result of him buying me a shiny rock. Rocks do not create love from nothing. Love does not require rocks (this is not the Stone Age). They're optional and I'm not going to have any self-promoting rockmonger tell me otherwise.

You know, I really like the word rockmonger.

DAMNIT! Kristen, the next time you interject a comment before me.... I'm going to look foolish and appear unclear!

not to worry, my comments are rarely relevant and everyone understands that by now.

it's "every kiss begins with kay." at least that's the battle cry of the current mother's day blitz.

for the record, meli's love for me wasn't contingent upon me buying her diamonds, especially considering that she agreed to marry me when i originally proposed to her with a white gold band with no stones at all. i realize that the animosity is directed toward the jewelry industry rather than people who like diamonds, but i just thought i'd put out that fire before it started.

also, i really hate tom shane and his stupid boring voiceovers.

You're absolutely correct: animosity here is not directed at you or other fans of diamond-dom. Unless, of course, you're also going around advertising for diamond companies, in which case please give me a moment to re-aim the animosity machine and I'll get right back to you.

White gold is nice. It's pretty. I can stand behind that. And I'm sure Tom Shane is quite hurt right now. After all, he's just trying to be your friend in the diamond business.

i've got two diamond rings coming to me someday from a grandmother (my aunt has it now) and a great-grandmother (my mom has it now). sadly though they are just huge single rocks on gold bands. booooorrrrrrring. i'm with you on the white gold, dianna. i'm also with the platinum. gold, schmold. i used to contemplate what kind of ring i would want from my potential fiancee, and never did i want a diamond. i used to hate diamonds. no color! no life! give me an opal or a ruby. but i've come around now. diamonds have their own special charm. (rockmonger rockmonger)

Young lady, you stop mongering that rock.

Or at least do it in private. It's disgusting.

I definitely hear you guys on the non-yellow gold thing. Anything is better. Also, Aaron, blogged about two companies that grow diamonds.

It's totally true that DeBeer's started the tradition of the diamond engagement ring being THE only acceptable kind of engagement ring with an advertising campaign in 1939. Howver, the tradition of engagement rings as we know them goes back to the Greeks. I found this recounting of the first recorded diamond engagment ring on the net: The year was 1477 when the first RECORDED diamond engagement ring was given. ... [T]he Archduke Maximillian of Hamburg gave the ring to Mary of Burgandy. By this date, engagement rings of various types were probably fairly common, while diamond engagement rings were not. The popularity of engagement rings in general, may be a result of Pope Innocent III's order (in the 12th century) that a wedding ring be included in the wedding ceremony. This is the same Pople who also decreed that weddings had to be held in a church. So, although I know that the diamond engagement ring is just something that I want because of advertising I still kinda want one for the same reason I feel that I am obligated to celebrate all the Hallmark-created holidays: everyone else is doing it and has done it for as long as I've been alive.

i knew that sounded familiar. so now everyone knows that my whole diamond-inside-jupiter thing has been making the rounds for quiet some time.

also, go easy on de beers. without the impact of advertising on western civilization, women wouldn't be shaving their legs and pits. and i don't think anyone wants to see that.

I think under the circumstances your best bet is to not even start on that issue. The audience is far from unanimous.

That was a really interesting article.

Other Blogs

Law-Type Blogs

Other Webcomics

Log Archives

eXTReMe Tracker

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by hb published on May 3, 2004 6:45 PM.

I Scream was the previous entry in this blog.

FEMA Prepares for 'Friends' Finale is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Powered by Movable Type 5.04