Memo to Niman Ranch: Keep the Stickers Away From the Meat Grinder


Here's a fun little story.

Meli and I were eating dinner this evening, the entree of choice being some delicious Niman Ranch Fearless Franks. At one point I found something in my mouth that didn't seem like it would normally be part of a hot dog (vague though the typical hot dog meat component list may be). When I unfurled it, it turned out to be this:

Curious. I retrieved the Fearless Franks package, intending to ascertain the customer service number in order to voice my concerns. That's when I realized what the little thing was.

What? Can't see it? Here's a more obvious shot.

Yes, it was a piece of a Fearless Franks label. In a Fearless Frank!

But wait! What's that poking out of the partially-eaten frank from whence the label bit came?

Can it be?

Can it be?

Can it be... another label bit?

Mayhaps. Let's take a look.

Indeed! I know! I'll use my fork to see just how many label bits made it into this particular specimen of tubed meat. The answer is...

More than I care to count. Goodnight, everybody.


How fearless of them to stick so many label bits in your snausage!

Hop you'll be frank with them when writing.

Oh, Lydia. What else can be said?

Are you still going to call? You should.

don't call, write. I expect a full on Matt style complaint letter.

I just called. They told me to start by contacting the store where we bought them. That doesn't make any sense, but I guess I may as well exhaust my administrative remedies.

In any case, I have photographic evidence!

It was the Trader Joe's in Menlo Park. But last time I checked, that wasn't a hot dog manufacturing plant. So I'm not quite sure what their culpability in all this is, besides innocently offering Niman Ranch products to their consumers.

Holy hormone-free cow! Maybe you should switch to Hebrew Nationals.

That is not funny, that is McNasty!

Apparently those hotdogs are only for fearless men who do not mind eating plastic packaging--and you are not one of those men, it seems.

I'm so glad you didn't choke on those label pieces, because if you had, I wouldn't be able to tell you ~ thats some funny shit!!!

OH MY GOD. That's disgusting. Did you ever see that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa becomes a vegetarian, and one of her early revalations that inspires it is she imagines a steak and then the cow that it came from, and then a pork chop or something and the pig that it came out of, and then a hot dog and the raccoon foot, pigeon head, and old shoe that it came from?

OMG - they went overboard with the advertising on that one!

That is super-gross. Do you mind if I link to this?

Link away. I'm a publicity whore.

Wow that is some serious false advertising. It says right on the bag, "Quality cuts of meat, no by products."

It should say, " Questionable cuts of... you could call it meat. Some labels and by products included for your entertainment!"

Matt, photographs of your life are definitely (and infinitely) more interesting than those of anyone else's.

That's hillarious! I'm glad it was just strips of label instead of something truly gross (i.e., anything organic)... but then you'd have an actual cause of action ;p

Dude. You could've died! People get sued for stuff like that! In fact, the Fearless Frankophiles should be thankful that you aren't outraged persuing legal action, 'cause with those photographs and all, you totally have them by the balls. The BALLS.

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This page contains a single entry by hb published on July 24, 2006 7:31 PM.

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