[Spoilers for final version of movie included.]
Mr. White: You don't know anything about QUANTUM. You probably don't even know that it stands for Quite Unkind And Nasty Terrorists United for Mayhem.
M: Wouldn't that be "QUANTUFM"?
Mr. White: No, you needn't do the "for."
M: But you did the "and."
Mr. White: NOW!
[Mitchell, QUANTUM's plant in MI6, shoots a random MI6 agent. Bond goes apeshit.]
Mr. White: Why on earth wouldn't you have shot Bond first?
Medrano: Thanks for helping me take over Bolivia and everything. What do you want in return?
Greene: Just this desert. And we get to keep whatever we find there.
Medrano: You won't find any oil. We've looked.
Henchman: Who said anything about oil? We're looking for--
[Greene elbows him sharply in the ribs.]
Henchman: Oh, right. Oil. We're looking for oil.
Greene: This is the world's most precious resource, we need to control as much of it as we can.
Bond: [Into stolen earpiece.] You guys are talking about oil, right?
[Bond, Fields, and Mathis are riding in a taxi in Bolivia. Solely for the purpose of making conversation, the chatty cabdriver complains about the price of water.]
Beam: Yeah, sure, take over Bolivia. We don't care. Just let us in on whatever oil you find.
[Greene and Henchman exchange glances and begin giggling.]
Greene: Oh, nothing.
Beam: No, what? Why are you laughing? Is there something other than oil in Bolivia?
Greene: Nope. No, sir. It's all about the oil, just like always.
Felix: You're an idiot, Beam.
Beam: And you're drunk! And I'll be smart in the morning!
Camille: You lost somebody?
Bond: I did.
Camille: Was she cuter than me?
Bond: Little bit.
Bond: So what's your deal with Medrano?
Camille: Well, my father was a swordmaker. I mean, a general. And Medrano came to our house one day and killed him. He didn't kill me because I was just a kid. He just gave me these scars on my face. I mean back. Anyway, I swore I would avenge my father's death. One day I will find Medrano, and I will say to him, "Hello, my name is Camille. You keel' my fadder. Prepare to die."
Foreign Secretary: Look, we've got to work with QUANTUM. The Middle East is running out of oil and the U.S. and China are dividing up what's left.
M's Bodyguard: Excuse me, but I believe QUANTUM has made it abundantly clear that they're not interested in oil. They're obviously looking for something else.
M: Tell that to Agent Fields! Her lungs were full of oil! Oil!
M's Bodyguard: You think they could be trying to throw you off the trail?
[M and Foreign Secretary ponder this furtively.]
Medrano: Did you have any trouble setting up the hotel?
Cuervo: Nope. [Inconsequentially.] Hey, you know what? This hotel runs entirely on fuel cells. Highly volatile, extremely flammable hydrogen fuel cells.
Medrano: Sounds unstable.
Cuervo: We'll be fine as long as nobody fires a gun anywhere in or near the hotel.
[Vesper's Boyfriend walks into his dark, Russian apartment to find Bond seated and pointing a gun at him.]
Boyfriend: If you're looking for the Russian girl whose parents you killed, she's nextdoor.
Bond: Different movie.
Boyfriend: Are you sure?