Oh, the Power!


I've just discovered the "Public Records" section of LexisNexis, the online legal (and more!) research service that I'll have access to for free until I graduate. I can search voter registration records and see where people are voted, including their address, phone number, date of birth, and political party. If I know someone's address I can find out how much they paid for their house, and if I don't know their address I can look it up via the "People Finder" function. In many cases a successful People Finder search also produces the full names of the person's immediate family. I can also do a nation-wide search for criminal and civil filings, as well as state and federal tax liens.

The information isn't necessarily up to date, but it's pretty damn close. Nor is it complete. There are no California voter registration or marriage records available, though California death records are freely accessible.

Now I must find a way to use this power for Evil. Does anyone have any old crushes they'd like me to track down?

Say it with me, now: Mwa ah ahhhhhhhhh...


Wow, that makes me feel really unsafe... and I thought Friendster was bad! I don't have any old crushes that I don't already know are pretty much losers at this point, but how about we track down people that we don't like - that bullied us in elementary school, etc. - and torture them.

how about professors? the time-honored "sexual favors for grades" trade will be a thing of the past when I can blackmail professors by threatening to reveal my secret knowledge of home addresses and voting districts.

once again, the hand of justice strikes back at the forces of evil, higher education, and the bad grade on my nabokov midterm.

Look up Jessica Tortora from my elementary school class. I had a giant crush on her and ended up coming on so strong as to seem creepy. This post will ensure the creepy title for years to come!

That, or the goatee will! Zing!

Wait, I have a goatee now. Un-zing! Sigh.

Try to find my father. John Tillison. I'll be surprised if your able to track him down.

Yeah, do me a favor and look up Ken Ingersoll. That really hot math teacher from back in high school. Find out if he's divorced; and available. =)

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This page contains a single entry by hb published on April 13, 2004 3:18 PM.

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