Firm Lovin'


UPDATE: View this entry in strip form.

My law firm just sent me a big box of junk food for finals. It arrived unexpectedly via FedEx yesterday with a suspicious-sounding return address "Big Frey Promotional Product," Elk Grove Village, Illinois, so I thought it was a bomb. I shook it and pointed it away from myself as I opened it, before finding that it was a much slower means of death - heavy doses of trans-fatty acids!

Here's what will be fueling my disastrous slide into finals despair for the next two and a half weeks:

One bag Lay's potato chips
One bag Doritos Nacho Cheesier! tortilla chips
Two number two pencils(!)
One six-pack of Oreo cookies
Two Snickers Bars (rrrrr!)
One Twix Bar (score!)
One bag M&Ms (Molly and I were thinking of serving M&Ms at our wedding, actually. I thought it would be funny to serve Skittles instead and the motion died in committee)
One bag Zoo Animal Crackers
One raspberry Tootsie Pop
One bag Snyder's of Hanover mini pretzels
One Quaker Chewy chocolate chip granola bar
One pink "Longest Lasting*" hi-liter
One package microwave popping corn
One Rice Krispies treat
Five Twizzlers

This is a strategic move on their part. If I experience a sugar crash in the middle of my Antitrust final and send my GPA down the turlet, I'll lose all lateral mobility and be stuck at my firm forever. Forever! Curse you and your secuctive refined sugars and fats! Curse you, I say!


How considerate: no peanut products. That probably means that your sugar crash theory is a viable one as it would appear they like you and are not trying to create an immediate opening in their entering class.

Strike that: missed the Snickers. You may want to consider other firms.

The real tragedy is that Twix is my favorite candy bar, and they gave me one Twix and two Snickers.

On a related note, there was a dinner at a partner's house last week where I was allergic to everything but the wine and the hors d'oeuvres. Apparently I've found myself a very pro-nut firm.

What Matt didn't say is that, while he was opening the "bomb", he was pointing it at the couch, ie at me!

awesome!! I've never had to good foturne of having potato chips arrive in the mail. But for a good while after I saw it on the food network, I was about to join the chip of the month club. It looks so fun!

There will be much less collateral damage than there would have been with a bomb.
- The Precision Blogger

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by hb published on April 24, 2005 9:19 AM.

Several Pounds of Meat, a Sobriety Check, a Sprained Ankle, and a Cat Made out of Cotton Candy was the previous entry in this blog.

Just the Two of Us is the next entry in this blog.

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