We just got a big e-mail about the goings-on at this Saturday's Boalt graduation ceremony. Of note:
Once we arrive at the theatre, the faculty will process onto the stage to a recorded version of Pomp & Circumstance. Once the faculty have assembled on stage, the degree candidates will process to a live steel-drum version of P&C.
A what? A steel drum version of Pomp & Circumstance? By steel drum do they mean, like, when they play "Come Dancing" at destination resorts in Jamaica? What the hell?
Because there are so many of you this year, we must seat you in the orchestra pit instead of on the stage (except for the one Ph.D. candidate and the two J.S.D. candidates).
How could there be more students than expected? Don't they accept the same amount every year? Are they telling me that, in 2002, they accepted an inordinately large number of people and I still didn't make the cut? Not even the waitlist even?
There will be a reception at Boalt following the ceremony. Food and drink will be available in the Bordon/Darling Courtyard and the Steinhart Courtyard/donor lobby. Two bands will provide music (a jazz band and a mariachi band).
Oh, God damn it. Among the things I find completely unjustifiable, live bands at receptions are pretty high on the list. Visit Jupiter on any night that one of their many jazz bands is playing and you'll see why. We're not going to the reception because we want to listen to music. We're going there to talk to each other, to introduce our families to our friends, and to say our formal goodbyes. All of this will be rendered extremely difficult, awkward, and perhaps impossible by the inevitable onerously amplified bass of the jazz band.
"IT WAS GREAT KNOWING YOU!"
"WHAT?"
"IT MEANT A LOT TO ME TO BE ABLE TO SHARE MY LAW SCHOOL EXPERIENCE WITH YOU!!!"
"WHAT???"
"OH, FUCK IT. HAVE A NICE LIFE."
My only hope is that the jazz and mariachi bands play at the same time, get mad at each other, and end up brawling their way onto Bancroft where their respective fingers are permanently disfigured in a horrible car accident so that they can never ruin another social event by playing what should be background music at a volume loud enough to kill God.
I was looking forward to the reception. Now I'm thinking of moving up my lunch reservation.
