Just about everyone I know with a blog is blogging about Pirates of the Carribean, so in characteristic fashion I'll turn the conversation toward myself and list a few reasons why it's a bad idea for me to be a pirate. Special thanks to the attorneys and interns I just lunched with for helping me brainstorm.
1. I don't like rum. In fact, I hate rum. It's the only alcoholic beverage that I've encountered that I really can't stand. I'm not counting things like Kalua and Bailey's, which I also don't like. Creamy alcoholic liquids aren't beverages, they're abominations.
2. I don't like sea food. Pirates are often depicted messily devouring turkey legs and ham hocks, but I imagine they eat mainly fish, which wouldn't do for me. I may or may not be allergic to fish, and I don't care enough to find out.
3. I burn easily. Ever seen an Irish pirate? Yeah, that's what I thought.
4. I find consensual sex to be more satisfying than the alternative. Judge me if you must.
5. I'm not Chinese. Apparently most pirates these days hang out in the South China Sea, and a roundeye like me would stand out like a redhead in Asia. I'm not sure if the South China Sea is a real sea. If not the pirates probably aren't real, either.