Mike Retzer
Treasurer
Republican National Committee
310 First Street, Southeast
Washington, D.C. 20003
Dear Mike,
Thank you for your letter dated "Wednesday morning." I must admit that I was somewhat disturbed by your implication that I've abandoned the Republican Party. Please rest assured that I have not, in any way, abandoned the Republican Party. Much in the same way I have not abandoned the state of Kansas, the Islamic faith, or womanhood, I have not abandoned anything of which I was never a part.
Because I have not abandoned the Republican Party, I am unmoved by your request that I "renew [my] membership with a contribution of $25, $38 or even $50 if [I] possibly can." You see, it would be impossible for me to "renew" my membership by sending you money, since my membership was never newed in the first place.
Rest assured that I am sensitive to your fears about a Democratic takeover of the United States government. I realize that, as you say, "the liberal Democrats will stop at nothing to regain control of the White House and Congress." But you underestimate the threat, Mike. There are plenty of moderate Democrats who'd like a piece of the pie as well.
I'm sorry I won't be able to support you in your money-getting activities. But do not despair, Mike. There are plenty of ther "grassroots leaders like [me]" to help you guys implement President Bush's agenda. I wish you the best of luck in fully enacting "President Bush's positive vision of a better, safer, more prosperous America." Let me know when he gets started on that.
Regards,
Robert H. Bork
Treasurer
Robert H. Bork National Committee
I really hope you get a response to that! You should have mentioned that since Reagan died, the communist machine can now take over the world. The man who stopped communism is now past on. That's what the Repubs should now fear!
Heh. In college I got a letter from "Bill Clinton", thanking me for becoming a Young Democrat, and thereby helping to make America better, inspire stuff, etc. etc.
"Young Democrat?" I thought to myself, "but I registered as an independent..."
Needless to say, the local incompetents in the registrar of voters had Shanghaied me into the Democratic party. I ended up having to register to vote in another county to get the mess fixed (and even that took some doing. For a while I was both a Democrat and an independent, since I somehow managed to be registered in two counties at once. It was fun.)